We’ve all been on the receiving end of feedback that didn’t land well. Maybe it felt vague, unfair, or like it came out of nowhere.
And many of us have also given feedback that - despite good intentions - triggered defensiveness or disengagement.
When feedback fails, it’s rarely because one person is “too sensitive” or the other “isn’t skilled enough.”
More often, it’s because the foundation wasn’t in place before the conversation even began.
In this post, we share five steps, grounded in Right Use of Power™ and Nonviolent Communication (NVC), that can transform feedback from frustrating to trust-building.
Step 1: Start with a Clear Map
In the Right Use of Power™ framework, power is relational - it’s not just about authority, but about impact and responsibility. When you hold more role power, you also carry more responsibility to make the “map” clear before anyone has to navigate it.
That means:
- Define success before you measure it. Instead of “do a better job on this report,” try, “The report should be three pages max, written at the 6th-grade level, with a clear summary at the start.”
- Check for alignment early. Before a project start, or before behaviours become a pattern, ask, “Are we on the same page about what’s expected here?”
- Set a fair baseline. Without clear expectations, feedback can drift into personality or preference instead of agreed-upon outcomes.
Step 2: Use Power with Care
Feedback is always an exercise in influence. Even when offered with the best intentions, words can either reinforce trust or erode it.
Power-conscious feedback givers:
- Name the impact, not just the behaviour. “When the budget is late, the team has to rush their review, which leads to errors.”
- Invite dialogue, not compliance. “How do you see it? Is there something making it harder to meet that deadline?”
- Acknowledge power differences. Even peer-to-peer, some imbalance exists. Recognizing it - without weaponizing it - helps balance the conversation.
Step 3: Speak from Observation, Need, and Request
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) offers a simple but powerful structure for delivering feedback:
Observation. Stick to what you saw or heard. “I noticed the report came in three days after the deadline.”
- Feeling. Share your emotional response without blame. “I feel concerned because that affects the next step in the process.”
- Need. Name the underlying value or requirement. “I need accurate and well-reviewed reports so our team is trusted.”
- Request. Make a clear, actionable ask. “Would you be willing to submit the next report by Tuesday at noon?”
Step 4: Receive Feedback with Power and Grace
Being a power-conscious leader means being able to receive feedback in ways that strengthen trust:
- Listen for the need behind the words. Even poorly delivered feedback often points to a value or request you can acknowledge.
- Regulate before responding. Pause, breathe, and notice defensiveness before speaking.
- Clarify expectations moving forward. If something wasn’t clear before, use this moment to reset alignment.
Step 5: Keep the Relationship Central
Feedback isn’t just about performance - it’s about relationship. The goal is not compliance, but collaboration toward shared goals.
From a Right Use of Power™ lens, ask: “How can I use my power in a way that is firm and fair, respects the dignity of the other person, and strengthens our connection?”
From an NVC lens, ask: “How can I speak and listen in a way that meets both my needs and theirs?”
When both questions guide the feedback process, trust deepens - even in hard conversations.
Final Thought
Feedback that builds trust doesn’t start at the moment of delivery. It begins with clarity, with how we use power, and with how we keep connection at the center.
Without clear expectations, feedback is shaky at best and destructive at worst. With them, feedback becomes less about judgment and more about partnership - an ongoing conversation that helps everyone grow.
Want to talk more about this?
Pathway #1: Follow us online on LinkedIn or YouTube
Pathway #2: Check out The Co. to see if it's for you
Pathway #3: Contact us or reach out to Jeff directly.
We’d love to learn about your journey (and to contribute if we can).
